Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
