i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
