my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize