3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
farters have to be the big spoon...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
