I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
