it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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