You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize