Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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