I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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