if you like me you must not know who I am
Actions speak louder than pants.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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