in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize