The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
