Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
