how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
All the doctor said was why
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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