Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
