She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
