he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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