I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
