We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
