so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
