lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
