He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
