I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
third nipple confirmed
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
