I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
