There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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