I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
