i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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