If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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