But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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