I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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