My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
