I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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