I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
