i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
