ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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