Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sext me about skeletons
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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