Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Congratulations! We have a period
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
