you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
