what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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