can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
