Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
