omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am one with the molecules
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize