i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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