Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
