Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
