I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
