Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
