Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
