Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
