i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He better not be in your backpack
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
