she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
