You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
