I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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