And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
