i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
