Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
