Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You made out with two different species that night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
