fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
