I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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