i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
