Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
