He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
