You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
