So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
