I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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