you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
