so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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