Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
