sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
they need to just BURY HIM!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
