Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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