i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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