wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
