what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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