thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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